a mental condition brought on by overexposure to guidemaps|
Tourism manifests itself as a mildly compulsive neurosis, characterised by well documented behavioural traits.
The principle diagnostic trait observed in most afflicted individuals is what is still referred to as 'BMF'.
Although the acronym derives from the term 'brochure-map fixation', a person suffering from tourism may be
intensely fixated on one or more of many types of location or information devices.
What has happened psychologically is that without deciphering a map, reading a brochure, studying a guidebook,
referring to a GPS device or consulting an internet satellite map,
these individuals appear to have entirely lost the ability to spend money.
As a consequence, this symptom is normally accompanied by heightened levels of anxiety, indecision
and a vulnerability to local sales initiatives.
The second defining trait is that of 'clustering', which is regularly observed in art galleries, museums,
gardens, monuments, religious buildings and emergency evacuation locations.
It is a common attempt by afflicted individuals to alleviate some of the stressful side-effects of the first condition.
Referred to in the literature as 'agglomerism', this clustering phenomena
is provided for... in the main... by guided tours and specialised group accommodation.
These attempts to disguise the more obvious symptoms of the affliction are only palliative
because if any particular individual is separated perchance from the cluster,
an immediate return to the BMF state is invariably observed.
A third trait, which is frequently associated with the psychoanalytic conditions of escapism,
can only be diagnosed after a course of professional training.
The probability of its presence is usually enhanced by an over-abundance of
promotional packages, including souvenir and duty-free shops, chlorinated swimming pools,
casinos, sex industry activity, adventure enterprises, and recreational drug availability.
Under controlled interrogation conditions, a trained interviewer can elicit whether or not an individual is
attempting to have any and every sensory whim enhanced and satiated, whilst at the same time remaining
entirely oblivious to any social and political realities behind the sightseeing façade.
Possession of this last symptom is a positive confirmation of the 'tourism' diagnosis.
The principle phenomena capable of inducing a bout of tourism, is an episode of space-travel relocation,
which deposits the individual in an unfamiliar physical or cultural environment.
This space-travel process is provided for by technology based transport organizations, which supply fuel
powered containers of various forms to transfer individuals with the necessary international currency credits
along pathways established for the purpose.
Certain land surface bus-containers provide support for those predisposed to clustering, by supplying an insulated
container from which they can observe the nature of the external environment, without relapsing into BMF.
The local operator monitors all physical and emotional needs of the clustered travellers, and assist in ensuring
that all international credits are directed where they will benefit the most.
Sea surface ship-containers by contrast, are concerned in the main with individuals who are both
inclined to cluster and also indulge in the additional liberations of escapism.
By providing an ocean-going floating can, quarantined from the living conditions of most of the earth,
the operators attempt to sustain the illusion to the ensconced voyagers that they are having an
adventure without actually leaving the familiar.
The legion of aircraft-containers tend to service a higher proportion of those
suffering from tourism at all the various stages of development.
First time travellers can rehearse their anxiety.
Indecision can be developed by vacillating over what to take into the cabin and what to check thru in luggage.
Guide-reading symptoms can be rehearsed on long flights, between exercises to minimise the possibilities of an embolism.
It is unfortunately the case that instead of trying to alleviate the tourism symptoms, many aircraft operators
enhance the décor, food and service personnel with ethnic stimuli, that individuals in the early states of
the affliction are particularly susceptible.
Whilst most social and public organisations actually have a vested interest
in not removing the most obvious causes of the condition, there are a few avenues of
hope for the individual to effect a cure.
One of the quickest methods is to deposit all one's available recreational
funds into a high interest,
high risk, investment company which has a board of directors that understands how to reward themselves
adequately for their expertise.
You will not have enough time to book your next tour.
A second reliable method is to frequent areas where dissidents are known to operate and get oneself kidnapped for ransom.
A third effective cure... although it usually requires several doses... is to consume anything and everything exotic from
any convenient indigenous food-stand, and induce several consecutive bouts of gastro enteritis.
The safest method by far, is to stay at home and harvest the produce from your
garden, because although there is a significant
infectious component in the affliction, there are no indications yet of the development of a vaccine.