PLANS

⁴₄   { Salt Her-man Mel-ville po-et tar }    
{in one and eight and fif-ty one}
{loved men and wo-men fore and aft}
{and Mo-by Dick the yarn was spun}

plan-B is to marry for love
ensigned from above by a dove
but titles and assets
and diamonds and bracelets
can win out when push comes to shove

{So-phi-a mar-ried George the First}
{M D C L three X aye aye}
{she came with lots of cash in hand}
{but ra-ther liked an-o-ther guy }

plan-C is quite hard to resist
by punters preloaded and pissed
in booze-sodden parleys
the rat-arsed would always
adjust the debate with a fist

{the pic-ture sketched of Jake the Muss}
{whose par-ty trick was to dis-play}
{the drunk-en skill to smash a face}
{ quite pro-ba-bly is here to stay}

plan-D was to give up the booze
climb onto the wagon and cruise
but issues just pileup
while chances just lineup
with drink a resource to abuse

{The po-et James got on the grog}
{to lub-ri-cate his search for god}
{and try and write whilst in a smog}
{a-bout where an-gels feared to trod}

plan-E was for losing some weight
and putting much less on the plate
remove from the butt (and)
as well as the gut (and)
the fat bits that just gravitate

{wee Ro-sie could-n't move a lot}
{the weigh-bridge hit a thou-sand pounds}
{with help the Brad-ford sur-name broke }
{the re-cords of the weight-loss rounds }

plan-F was a quick suicide
where death was a deed glorified
a belt of explosive
or bomb automotive
and body bits round the roadside

{Ab-dul-la al-A-si-ri pulled}
{a slick se-cur-i-ty by-pass }
{and tried to kill bin Na-yef with }
{a pound of plas-tic up his arse}

plan-G was to sit on the fence
with politics complex and dense
and think of survival
and bide the arrival
of times that were much less intense

{de Tall-ey-rand the Dip-lo-mat}
{the Bish-op Prince of switch-ing sides}
{limped sly-ly back and forth be-tween}
{the Old Re-gime and Reg-i-cides}

plan-H was to feint with a right
and keep the left hook out of sight
expoit a slight heightness
promote the non-whiteness
and pick up the prize from the fight

{Joe Lou-is stood at six foot two}
{Max Schmell-ing on-ly one inch less }
{time passed and made them friends des-pite}
{the pro-pa-gan-da of the press}

plan-I was to win at all cost
by getting the other side sloshed
with drugged stupefaction
or sexual distraction
they won't even know that they lost

{when Ma-ta Ha-ri sold her sex}
{to sold-iers on the oth-er side}
{she got some in-fo in re-turn}
{but earned a dose of spy-i-cide}

plan-J was to find a weak spot
which softened if matters got hot
then marshal the squadrons
and cluster the cannons
and load-up the chain and the shot

{Na-pol-eon con-trived a trap}
{at Aus-ter-litz eigh-teen-0-five}
{and split the a-llied kings a-part }
{and kept the French cam-paign a-live}

plan-K involved felling a tree
to land to the nearest degree
the wind started gusting
and chainsaw bits busting
then hey-ho a new amputee

{to scoff and then em-bark up-on }
{a pro-ject with some risk in-volved }
{with-out a plan for call-ing quits}
{will end the day more dead than bold}

plan-L was just much of the same
with added components of blame
one could place a sure bet
that members would not get
some thinking outside of the frame

{the soc-ial club ran out of funds}
{as life-time punt-ers left and died}
{com-mit-tee meet-ings cut short as}
{all in-spir-a-tion oss-i-fied}

plan-M was kept under the wraps
while research filled in all the gaps
the production treadmill
was champing right until
the mar-keting team hit their straps

{a fa-tal flaw had come to light}
{the pro-to-type did not pre-dict}
{so ev-ery-thing was put on hold}
{un-til de-sign had got it licked}

plan-N was a quite cunning moot
but sloppily subject scrute
the team was pathetic
the funds hypothetic
the outcome not hard to compute

{the streets down-town were jammed with cars}
{a sweep-ing opt-ion was pro-posed}
{but coun-cil cliques just closed their ranks}
{as vest-ed in-ter-est opp-osed}

plan-O was to borrow the money
make hay while the market was sunny
watchout for the rainsies
grap capital gainsies
before it all went down the dunny

{de-mand for Auck-land hous-es rose}
{and pric-es climbed a notch a day}
{and ev-ery one could make a buck}
{and no-one ev-er had to pay}

plan-P was put on the back burner
till prospects an upwards took turner
with marketing abject
and servicing suspect
the listing was not a good earner

{ when dai-ry took a down-ward turn }
{and no-one real-ly want-ed cows }
{a busi-ness sell-ing bows for tails}
{will not much re-tail zeal ar-ouse }

plan-Q was a bit of a shock
the team at the top lost their stock
in came a consultant
the staff were redundant
and fleeces were shorn of the flock

{the wool was sold at cut-price sale}
{to start again with next year's clip}
{they tried to make the cash ends meet }
{but crashed in-to re-ceiv-er-ship }

plan-R was to run with the cash
to sell-up... get tickets... and dash
cut short the agenda
put files thru the blender
and fuck off ahead of the crash

{The Cos-mic Trust In-vest-ment Fund}
{was noth-ing but a crook-ed wheeze }
{ a le-gal smoke and mir-ror fraud}
{to salt the ass-ets ov-er seas }

plan-S was not ever invoked
in case the main team members choked
its much safer keeping
the dragon still sleeping
and leaving the kraken unwoked

{the gun laws lobb-y in the States}
{in-vokes a right to car-ry arms}
{and an-y move to pull their teeth}
{is bound to pro-pa-gate some qualms}

plan-T is to straight intervene
sneak under the radar unseen
to cut to the chase and
mine under the base and
to leave not a blind smithereen

{on June the fifth one nine six seven}
{Is-rae-lis looked at E-gypts map}
{then launched a swift pre-empt-ive strike}
{and turned its air-force in-to scrap}

plan-U is to keep out of sight
from basteds that prowl and then smite
since power is might-ness
and venom is spite-ness
and hate is promoted as right

{Anne Frank was hid be-hind some books}
{and wrote whilst Na-zi prowled the streets}
{her di-ary now re-flects a grim}
{account of those that life mis-treats}

plan-V is to think well ahead
and diet on water and bread
a frugally goodly
and prudently wouldly
have cash in the bank when they're dead

{John Elwes was fru-gal to a fault}
{in-heir-it-ing a mis-ers crown}
{yet loaned a lot and gambled much}
{and fin-anced blocks of Lon-don town}

plan-W was to go on the road
with a household of stuff for a load
with cash in the bank-bin
and fuel in the tank-tin
in a bus with a car that was towed

{Some Mo-tor Car-a-van re-cruits}
{re-tired last year and sold their homes}
{all keen to try the gyp-sy life}
{with sol-ar cells and TV domes }

plan-X is to travel abroard
to go where the tourists are awed
to visit the biggest
and ride on the quickest
and pay a guide not to be bored

{a game-show winn-er struck the gold}
{and got some cre-dit un-fore-told}
{so bought a pass to lands ex-tolled}
{and put their work-ing life on hold}

plan-Y is the desperate plan
to fight to the very last man
with incoming drumming
and no help forthcoming
it could be the end of the clan

{the Bon-nie Prince de-sired the throne}
{and piped a bat-tle chall-enge call}
{though man-y vowed a fight to death}
{ Cull-o-den was the fin-al fall}

plan-Z is 'Go down with the ship.'
... prepare for a bit of a dip...
the flapping proud pennants
and last battered remnants
will vanish with barely a blip

{ The Ad-mir-al John Bal-chin (Sir) }
{in seven-teen and four-ty four...}
{his 'Vict-ory' flag-ship with all hands}
{just van-ished in a storm off-shore}

nev2016

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